Inside Kim Kardashian’s MySpace Page

Let us take a break from all this “death” unpleasantness and turn our attention back towards the breathless anticipation of those counting the moments until they get to see not-really-famous person Kim Kardashian rolling around in her panties and giggling with Brandy’s little brother Ray J. While the “sex” tape is still weeks away from release (maybe more if Kardashian’s crack team of lawyers are as ruthless in their battle to stop the leak as she’d like us to believe), we’ve decided to learn a little more about who Kim really is, with the help of this detailed analysis of her MySpace page:

As illustrated by the above photo (one of approximately 1400 images that can be found on her profile) everyone in the Kardashian family is a saucy little b*tch with dark hair and a name beginning with “K”.

Kim cites her “daddy” as her only listed Hero. If she’s being literal with her use of the term “daddy”, she’d be referring to Robert Kardashian, who made millions helping OJ Simpson get away with murder.

Kim’s favorite book is listed as “The Bible”, whose influence can easily be recognized in her alleged enjoyment of being urinated on by aspiring rappers.

Kim has chosen the “sparkling cheetah” MySpace layout background popular among high school girls who love animals and shiny things equally.

According to one of the several slide shows on her page, Kim still “loves” Ray J (Side Note: Until yesterday, Ray J remained in the #4 spot of her “Top Friends”.)

Kim lists her occupation as “Princess”, though she is also part owner - along with her two sisters - in a clothing store called “DASH”, which is her #1 Friend.

Kim names “God” as the person she’d most like to meet.


She has chosen Justin Timberlake’s “SexyBack” as her profile song, because she is unique.

So there you have it. Feel free to do some investigating on your own until you’ve sufficiently gotten to know the young lady you’re going to be hearing a whole lot about over the course of the next few years.

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